To be a child again
by FUBBAR
Summary: A strange box makes Sam and Jack act like they did when they were younger But why is Daniel smoking and drinking and did he once act like this...siegfried and roy ROCK! strong language in second chapter
1. Default Chapter

Stargate sg-1

To be a child again

Summary: A strange box makes Sam and Jack act like they did when they were younger

But why is Daniel smoking and drinking and did he once act like this.

Daniel was yet again in the infirmary. Jack, Sam and tel'c were looking ancshusly at him as Janet was examining him.

Tel'c: Are you feeling better now Daniel Jackson.

Daniel: yeah, never felt so Premium.

Jack: Premium? Only you can say such a big word after being electrocuted.

Daniel: it means I'm fine.

Jack: For someone who has just been electrocuted by that mumbo jumbo box thingy

Teal'c raised his eyebrow

Daniel (not realising that it was Jack talking): Mumbo Jumbo?

Jack: Yeah you know that that thing you erm you know like so much with the erm you know Egyptian stuff on it.

Erm you know your happy place.

Sam grained at Jacks attempt to explain a box to Daniel.

Janet: well I can't see any thing wrong with you. So unless you start to feel any noshes you can go,

Jack: well I feel like some pie. Any one coming

Daniel: Yeah but then I really have to get translating that Mumbo Jumbo box thingy as you put it.

Daniel and Jack left for the canteen, while teal'c went to kel'no'reem (were else)

Sam turning to Janet: why is it always pie

She then copied her collages in going to have some pie.

Daniel: THERE ISN'T ANY APPLES WHY IS THERE NEVER ANY APPLES

Daniel started to leave.

Sam: I wonder what is wrong with Daniel.

Jack: he hasn't had his morning apple yet

Jack then spotted an apple picked it up and through it at Daniel.

Jack: HEY DANIEL HEADS UP. Jack then realised what he had done.

Jack:(whispering) I shouldn't of done that.

Sam: oh no he's going to drop it.

But to their amassment, Daniel caught the apple and waved his hand in thanks.

Jack watched in amassment as Daniel left. He could not believe his eyes

Sam waved her hand in jacks face: hello sir, colonel O'Neill are you in there

Jack realising sam's hand: what. Sam

Sam looking scared: are you ok sir. Should I get Janet?

Jack: no, I'm fine. I was just thinking about what Daniel did.

Sam: why what did Daniel do?

Jack: well you know that Daniel can't catch well I throw him an apple and he caught it.

Sam: Yeah I know I saw sir but I that you was closer than normal to him

Jack: Sam is you going blind I was about 1 meter away from him

Sam: so maybe he leant to catch

Jack: Daniel. Ye right. But then again I saw an award of Daniels it was for being a great pitcher

Sam: there's your answer

Jack: yeah but what I don't understand if Daniel was as good of a pitcher now then why,

When I throw him anything he drops it, well apart from today.

Sam: good point, I mean he can't go a day without dropping anything thrown or not.

But why are you telling me this. Why not just ask Daniel.

Jack: I will I will just not when he's with that box thingy I mean I don't what t get elecutied

Sam gives him a look

Jack: I will ask him just not when he's near that box

Jack starts to walk out and says to himself: to bad that Daniel will always be with the box

Stranger: Doctor Jackson here is the results of the scan you required me to do on that box thingy

As the stranger starts to walk away he drops a packet of cigarettes

Daniel: thanks (noticing the packet of cigs) hay you've dropped your cigarettes.

Stranger: can you put them in the bin I'm trying to quit?

Daniel looks at the packet of cigs it's been so long since he had had a cigarette.

Daniel placed them on to the counter and finisded translating the hieroglyphics.

Daniel just couldn't get one of the hieroglyphics.

Daniel: inner...wisdom no can't be.

Daniel reached down next to him and picked up a long thin stick

Daniel: one won't hurt and I wont tell if you won't

Daniel lit the cigarette and took a long drag from it

Daniel: that felt well. What the fuck I'm I staying here for any way as if I want

To spend Saturday night stock translating

He then heads for the door and leaves


	2. FUCK!

Disclaimer: I own Stargate the whole industry built upon this movie including the series SG1 and ATLANTIS and

all the characters that go with it. Mwhaaa mwhaaaa Mwhaaa. Sorry crazy moment over.

The above statement is wrong I do not own Stargate even though I would like to.

Especially Michael shanks aka Dr Daniel Jackson mmmmmmmmmmmmmmm (Day dream) sorry bout that.

I also do not own South Park the movie or the series.

My sis also holds great responsibility for making this fanfic.

* * *

Chapter 2

Fuck!!!

Jack was walking past Sam's office when he heard a high-pitched voice.

But the voice couldn't possibly of been Sam's as it was saying some very girly stuff.

Jack put his ear to the door so he could hear what the voice was saying

Voice: oh my god. Why did I cut my hair I mean I am still total babe and all but still my hair was so nice when it was long but maybe if I put it like this, perfect. Now where's my clip. Oh here it is, Oh my god looking this beautiful should be a crime.

Jack couldn't take it any more he needed to know who was so obsessed about their looks.

Jack: HI I'm loo...Sam?

Sam was looking at her self in the mirror putting on her make up

Sam: yes sir

Jack: was it just was it just was it just you on your own a few seconds a go or was some one else in here.

Sam: Me. But who cares if it was only I. (Sam looked in the mirror) I mean look at how good I look.

Jack: But who, what, were, who are you and what have you done to Sam.

Sam: chill out Grandpa relax take a break. I know this ace club we could go to

Jack: we're on duty Sam

Sam: Grandpa you do need to chill we should see if Danny can fix you.

Sam exited the room and made her way to Daniels office.

Jack: I don't need to be fixed

Jack followed his colege.

Jack: sorry can't be fixed yet looks like Danny boy isn't here. Probably running some tests on the box.

Sam: well done Einstein. That's way the box is on the table. Lets go to that club now

Jack: what club and like I said before we're on duty

Sam: do you ever break the rules come on loosen up please when are you ever going to do any thing outrages if not to day.

I mean live for to day as if it's your last you never know it could be. The Goa'uld may attack tomorrow.

Jack: Were have you been don't you, don't you know me at all.

Sam: I mean non air force Government thing that saves the world or you have only done it because of an alien device.

Get a life like I said live for to die as if it was your last

Jack: I don't know if it's this room or the fact that your making sense. But your actually making sense.

Come on LETS GET A LIFE.

Jack runs out and Sam follows.

Sam: come on Jack dance with me

Jack: I think I'll just get an alcoholic beverage.

As Jack moved to wards the bar he noticed a group of people smoking weed, popping pills AND A FEW SNIFFING.

As jack moved closer he was sure he recognised one of them.

Jack: no it can't be him. Can it.

He then recognised a voice

Voice: Oh God who ever created weed GOD make em a saint

Jack: Daniel what are you doing here

Daniel: oh looks its Grandpa

Jack: WHY DOES EVERYONEKEEP SAYING THAT. DANIEL YOU'RE COMING WITH ME BACK TO THE ON.

Daniel:(still high): man you just gota chill you know relax. Wan'na have some?

Jack: (reaching out his hand) yeah go on Th... NO! I'm telling general Hammond over you.

Daniel: fine go right ahead man.

Jack: you mean you not perturbed.

Daniel: DUDE do I look like I care.

Jack: SAM we're going come on.

Sam: No I want to dance.

Jack: SAM DEPARTING NOW.

Sam: NO! Daniel will you dance with me

Daniel: sure babe why not.

Jack: DANIEL. SAM NOW OR I' LL INFORM HAMMOND.

Daniel: like I said don't care who you tell but your ruining my vibe right now so As long as you stop ruining my

vibe guess so? (To Sam) coming babe.

Sam: as long as Grandpa over here stops making a scene.

They both leave. Leaving Jack behind them shouting that he was not a grandpa just a snitch.

Back at the SGC.

Teal'c is outside listening to the conversation while jack; Daniel and Sam stand in front of Genaral Hammond's desk

As he shouts at them.

General Hammond: WHATS GOTTEN IN TO YOU SG-1 YOU WERE MENT TO GO OFF WOLRD 5 HOURS AGO.

Sam: I think I know the answer general Hammond sir.

Daniel mimicking Sam in a childish way.

Sam: SHUT UP SPECK FOUR EYES

Daniel: HAY. DON'T CALL ME SPECKY FOURM EYES YOU FUCKING WHORE

General Hammond: DR JACKSON WHAT DID YOU SAY TO MAJOR CATER.

Daniel: whore

Jack: No he's talking about fuck you can't say fuck in front of the fucking general you fucking fat ass

General Hammond: O'NELL

Daniel: why the fuck not

Hammond: DANIEL.

Sam: DUDE you just said fuck again.

Hammond: CATER

Teal'c: Fuck

Hammond: TEAL'C

Daniel: What's the big deal it doesn't hurt anybody fuck fuckde fuck fuck fuck.

Hammond: HOW WOULD YOU LIKE TO BE HELD IN A PRISON CELL?

Daniel: How would you like to suck my balls?

Hammond: WHAT DID YOU SAY?

Daniel: Oh I'm sorry I'm sorry (pulls out a walkie-talkie on a frequency to the hole bass so all can hear)

What I said was how would you like to suck my ball, general Hammond sir.

Hammond was so dumbstruck that he couldn't speak.

Sam (whispering): dude (talking loudly now) that was fucking sweet.

Jack: general Hammond sir Sam just said fuck

Oh I just said fuck, oh I've said fuck twice no three, general Hammond I've just said fuck 4 times no make it five

Daniel: you know I yester beat up guys like you.

Jack: Really.

Daniel: yeah. Don't know what's stopping me now.

Hammond: all of you to the infirmary now.

Sam: told you being this beautiful is a crime.

Teal'c: Major cater it is not a prison cell that you are going to. It is the infirmary.

Sam: So still a crime.

Jack: don't know why I have to go I haven't done any thing erroneous.

All I did was tell general Hammond who's been saying fuck. General Hammond I just said fuck..twice.

Daniel: Man. Shut. Up. We should just go to the infirmary I need some aspirin I have got such a headache.

Sam: really?

Daniel: well yeah but I also just want the drugs

Hammond: SG1 INFIRMARY NOW. I SAID NOW.

Jack: yes sir. Right away sir come on people chop-a-d chop.

Jack led the way to the infirmary while Hammond was trying to stop the smoke coming out of his ears.

* * *

Thanks to all you who have reviewed. I could not remember all of your names. Infact non of your names (I have got such a bad memory) 

Any way thank you and to that person who told me to get a beta I do not know how so I can't soz.

By the way I can not spell to save me life so please if you know what I meant to spell please tell me how the hell you spell it.


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